A couple sitting on a bench, looking out at the trees. Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom
In a world where dating often feels like a confusing maze of apps, swipes and superficial encounters, many Christians are seeking a different path — one that aligns with their faith and values.
Dating by faith emphasizes trust in Christ, personal growth and discernment in choosing a partner. Dating by faith, as opposed to dating by fear, offers a transformative approach to finding love.
Christian dating expert and coach, Michelle Joiner, who shared valuable insights on how believers can navigate the dating landscape.
Dating by Faith vs. Fear
“People don't realize that their energy determines their impact,” Joiner said. “If you date ‘by faith,’ your energy will be calm and full of peace. Dating ‘by fear’ results in you showing up clingy and desperate.”
Fear can manifest in various ways, such as settling for less than one deserves, staying in toxic relationships or compromising values to avoid being alone. In contrast, faith-based dating encourages believers to maintain their standards, trust in God's timing and prioritize their spiritual growth.
“Dating ‘by faith’ allows you to relax and have fun and enjoy the dating process. It leaves you certain that, one day, you will find your person and you're happily taking the next steps to make that happen as soon as possible.” Joiner said.
A couple holding hands. Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano for Pexels
Preparing for Dating
Before stepping into the dating world, it is crucial to prepare both spiritually and emotionally. This preparation involves deepening one’s relationship with God, understanding their identity in Christ and working on personal growth using interpersonal skills.
"Focus on your communication, connection, confidence and chemistry,” Joiner said. “People have lost the art of explaining their boundaries, standards and values.”
“So, you're going to have to learn how to talk to someone. And if you're a woman, you have to learn how to talk to someone who's from Mars. And if you're a man, you're going to have to learn to talk to someone who's from Venus. And yes, you should read that book,” Joiner said.
Another key aspect of preparation is understanding ourselves, so believers can feel confident and make authentic connections, which leads to creating chemistry.
“You have to know how to create chemistry because communication is not enough. I can communicate with you about problems, establish boundaries, tell you my standards and inspire you to commit, but there's something ethereal called chemistry,” Joiner said.
What to Look for in a Partner
When dating by faith, it's essential to look for qualities that align with values and faith. While physical attraction and shared interests are important, they shouldn't be the only factors guiding the choice of a partner.
Joiner said she suggests prioritizing a person’s character above all.
“Look for someone with integrity and with the fruits of the Spirit,” Joiner said. “Kindness, patience, gentleness — that's honestly the only thing you should be looking for.”
The outlines of a couple holding hands in front of a starry sky. Photo by Josh Hild for Pexels
Navigating the Dating Faith Journey
Joiner offers Christian singles tactical approaches to dating that help to build confidence in themselves and their faith in God. This includes verbal and non-verbal communication techniques, understanding their body, and creating a meaningful spiritual practice that helps to keep them faith-filled in the process.
Dating by faith is a journey that requires trust, preparation and discernment, Joiner said. By focusing on God's guidance, working on personal growth and seeking a partner with strong character and compatibility, Christians can find meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
"When you date by faith, you're not just looking for a partner — you're looking for someone to join you in your walk with Christ," Joiner said.
In a world filled with uncertainties, dating by faith offers a path of hope, peace and divine direction. It's about letting go of fear and trusting that God has a perfect plan.
For free faith-based dating advice, listen to the Christian Dating Coach podcast or follow Michelle Joiner on Instagram. She also supports clients with coaching, courses and membership services.
Samora is a somatic life coach who is obsessed with creating work that intersects with wellness, spirituality, and psychology. She is a current graduate student at Pepperdine University and writes to share meaningful insights on how to live a more harmonious life.
